*** (Post Somebody's Going To Emergency, Somebody's Going To Jail)

"Did I hear something about drinking?"

Donna smiled. "Come on, CJ. We're going to go get Sam drunk."

"Are you going to have your way with him?" CJ fell into step beside Donna.

"That might be fun." Donna mused. "He is pretty hot."

"Can we talk about something else?" Josh begged.

"Brad Pitt." Donna suggested.

CJ nodded. "Not my type, but he's pretty hot too."

Josh grinned. "That isn't what I meant."

"Hey, Josh, what do you think of Nicole Kidman?" Toby interjected.

Josh brightened. "Hot. We can talk about her."

"She's such a nice woman, too." CJ mused.

Josh gaped at her and moved to walk next to her down the street. "You've met Nicole Kidman?"

"A few times." CJ shrugged.

"I had the wrong job before the campaign." Josh complained. "What's she like?"

CJ laughed. "Not tonight, Josh. We're focusing on Sam tonight. Wait, where is Sam?"

"He had to take care of something." Toby told her. "He's going to meet us here."

They fell silent as they walked into the bar. Until they were safely in their corner, they didn't feel safe talking.

They all ordered, teasing CJ about her grasshopper and Josh about his delicate system. They talked about nothing and everything until Sam got there, avoiding the subject that had brought them there- Sam's fathers' cheating..

Sam pulled up a chair from another table to join them. "Why's it so crowded?"

"Must be a game on." Josh suggested.

"Not one that matters." Toby asserted.

CJ smiled. "I'm thinking of becoming a Red Sox fan."

"CJ." Toby warned her.

"You know, for a hobby." CJ continued as the rest of the table tried not to laugh at Toby's expression.

"A hobby?" He asked her, aghast.

"I need a hobby."

"Take up knitting!" Toby yelled at her.

She smirked.

"I think Nicole Kidman knits." Donna mused, twirling the straw in her drink.

"Julia Roberts." CJ corrected, not looking at her. "And I'm a grown woman, Tobias. I can root for whatever team I want."

"You're fired." He slumped down in his seat, refusing to look at her.

Sam grinned. "Every time." He muttered to Josh. "You'd think he'd know she's joking by this time."

Toby heard him. "Unacceptable," he raged. "No one is allowed to joke about the Yankees." He pointed to each individually before settling on CJ. "Especially you."

"Truce." CJ nodded, then muttered, "For now."

"I heard that."

She smiled innocently. "How 'bout them Mets?"

He growled at her and stood, heading for the bar for another drink.

"So I talked to my father." Sam told them suddenly.

Toby slid silently back into his seat at this, deciding instead to wait for their waitress.

"How is he?" Josh asked after a moment.

Sam smiled slightly. "Good. He's good."

Josh nodded, waiting to see if Sam would say anything else.

He fiddled with his beer for a few moments before taking a sip. "How am I supposed to feel?"

Donna's hand covered his in silence.

"How do you feel?" CJ asked quietly.

"Empty." He stared at Donna's hand, drawing strength from his friends. "I think I'm upset, I should be upset. But I don't feel anything."

"You need to sleep." Toby told him. "After that, you can decide."

Sam nodded and finished his beer. "I think I'm going to go home."

CJ stood with him. "Me, too. I'll walk out with you."

She dug money out of her purse while Donna stood to give Sam a quick hug. CJ's eyes met Toby's and he moved his head, gesturing to Sam. She nodded and put her money on the table before taking Sam's arm.

"Let's go."

"Let me get some money out-"

CJ cut him off. "We took care of it, let's go."

A small smile appeared on his face. "Thanks guys."

Toby waved him off as Josh said good-bye and CJ and Sam left.

CJ waited until they were outside. "Do you need to talk? You could come over."

He shook his head. "Thanks, CJ. I'm just going to grab a cab when we get to your building."

They walked the short way to her apartment building. He waited until she closed the outer door before hailing a cab. She watched him get in before turning to make her way up the stairs.

She shut her apartment door before realizing something was wrong. She put her hand on the doorknob, ready to leave, before she realized what it was.

"Danny?" she whispered, stepping cautiously into her apartment. She found him stretched out on her couch, asleep. She couldn't stop the smile on her face as she stared at him. Finally, she walked over and kneeled down to touch his cheek.

He woke slowly, his eyes opening to meet hers. "Am I dreaming?" he whispered.

She smiled at him. "No."

He pulled her face closer and captured her mouth. She resisted for a moment before the familiar feelings washed over her and she gave him.

"I love you." He told her between kisses. "I hate... being away... from you. From this."

She pulled away gently. "Why are you here?" she asked quietly.

"The other night. On the phone."

She glanced away, struggling to hold back a smile as she teased him. "You came back to convince me to have phone sex?"

He laughed. "Will it work?"

"No."

"Then that's not why I came back." He smiled, his eyes twinkling. "I came back to try again. I miss you. I think we should compromise and work things out."

She stood and crossed to the chair. Danny sat up on the couch and watched her sit down.

"CJ? Say something."

She sighed. "Think rationally, Danny. It won't work, we won't work. I can't ask you to wait six years for me, and we can't be together now."

"I barely made it these few months without you." He told her.

"Danny-"

"Why can't we go back to how things were in the beginning. We'll hide it, like we did before."

CJ was already shaking her head. "You want more than that. And I understand, but I can't give you more. This job, right now, means everything to me. My friends there, that's my family and my focus. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep going through this with you."

He sighed unhappily. "I should go." At her resigned nod, he stood. But when he wavered, she was instantly on her feet steadying him.

"What's wrong?"

He closed his eyes as he put an arm around her. "I'm just tired."

"Stay here."

His eyes met hers and she suppressed a shiver.

"On the couch. Or take the bed, I'll take the couch."

"CJ?"

She blushed and looked away. "I don't trust us in a bed together."

He smiled tenderly and kissed her cheek. "I'll take the couch, go to bed."

She helped him get settled with blankets and pillows, then nearly backed out of the room as she watched him begin to fall asleep.

In the morning, on top of the stack of pillows and blankets, was a note.

Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight.
Then world behind and home ahead.
We'll wander back to home and bed.

*** (post Stackhouse Filibuster)

CJ nearly danced around her bedroom as she packed a few last minute things. She hadn't been so excited in quite awhile, and she was amused that it was because of a filibuster.

"That old crank," she muttered, smiling as she thought of Stackhouse reading recipes, all the while ruining her plans.

She tried to figure out something to do for the night. Drinking was out, as half of her friends were gone by now. She had no desire to go drinking alone. She admitted to herself that she wished Danny was there, even though she knew they would have just ended up in bed.

"And that," she lectured herself. "Is a bad idea."

Instead, she pulled out a piece of paper and began to scribble.

Did you see it? I hope you were watching TV today. It was amazing, Danny. I stood there in awe. I held the press captive, did you hear? I would have liked to have held you captive and-

She broke off and quickly scribbled out the last line with a blush. She stared at the paper for a moment before throwing it aside. She knew exactly what she would write if she kept going in this state of mind. Instead, she rechecked her suitcase.

*** (pre Fall's Gonna Kill You)

"And Donna's face." CJ found she could finally laugh about the events from a few days ago. "She confessed to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby, Toby."

He shook his head. "You're all crazy around here."

CJ grinned. "I wish you had done the interviews. You need a good laugh..." She trailed off as she realized Toby was looking behind her. She turned quickly.

"CJ, I need to talk to you."

"Sure." She turned and shrugged at Toby before turning to follow Leo.

"CJ?"

"Yeah Toby?" she paused.

"I'll be in my office when you're done," he told her quietly.

She nodded and followed Leo. As his office door shut behind her, it suddenly hit her. This was the bigger potatoes that Toby wouldn't tell her about.

***

Her mind was blank as she walked out of the office, dazed. She made her way automatically to Toby's office, where he was throwing a rubber ball against the wall.

He stopped when he saw her standing at his door. "Home?"

She stared at him a moment before slowly nodding. He grabbed his things and led her to her office where she mechanically grabbed her things.

They were almost to her apartment before she spoke. "You knew."

"For a few days now."

She nodded.

He hesitated at her front door, but she waved him in.

"Tea?"

He nodded his agreement, even though he had no desire to drink it. He watched her begin to make the tea, her hands shaking. He sighed and pushed her to a chair so he could take over.

"He's going to die, isn't he?" She asked quietly.

Toby had to swallow. "I don't know."

"You've known for a few days." She took the mug from him, looking up long enough for him to see the tears threatening.

He sighed. "I've been thinking about the political ramifications."

"Why not the medical?"

"If he's going to die soon, I don't want to know." He answered her quietly. They lapsed into silence as CJ finished her tea.

She stood and walked to the sink. He followed to dump his tea down the drain. She was frozen, the mug still in her hand.

"CJ?" He touched her shoulder and realized she was crying.

She dropped the mug in the sink, where it shattered. Before Toby could move towards it or her, she had turned and had her arms wrapped around him.

He held her while she cried, knowing she needed the release. He stroked her hair and told her it would be okay, even knowing he might be lying.

As the tears slowed, he reached to grab a napkin and handed it to her. She gave him a small, hesitant smile. Their eyes met and her hand inched forward to touch his face.

He stepped back. "No."

Her expression became one of confusion. "Toby?"

"You need to feel alive tonight. You need to feel something. I understand. But this..." he gestured between them. "This would be a bad idea."

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"And I'm flattered," he told her with a chuckle.

She smiled hesitantly. "But you're going to reject me anyway."

"CJ," he warned her. "What you really need is some sleep."

"I have to be up in about three hours." She sighed. "I have a meeting with Counsel's office in the morning."

He winced. "Great. I'm going to go then, if you're going to be okay."

"Yeah." She tried to convince herself. The tears were already threatening again and she was sure she would spend the rest of the night crying. "I'll be fine. Go home, I'll see you tomorrow."

He kissed her cheek and left. She stared at his mug, on the counter where he had shoved it when he was comforting her. She picked it up and admired the White House emblem on the side. Then she threw it into the sink, where it made a very satisfying noise as it smashed.

*** (post 18th and Potomac)

*Beep* "CJ? It's Danny."

She dropped the papers in her hand to stare at her answering machine.

"I know, I shouldn't... call like this. But I just heard about Mrs. Landingham. I wish I could be there for the funeral."

She listened as he sighed and imagined the expression on his face as he struggled not to cry.

"She was a wonderful woman. I remember, on the campaign, there was this one time..."

The phone was silent for a few moments. CJ wiped her eyes and hoped he hadn't gotten disconnected. Finally, his voice came back, quieter and strained.

"No, I can't do this over the phone. I just... wanted to see how you were doing, wanted to see if you wanted to talk. I'm going to go."

There was a click. CJ's finger hovered above the 'Delete' button before hitting 'Play' again instead.

"CJ? It's Danny..."

*** (mid Two Cathedrals)

"No way Danny."

"But I'm the best you've got." Danny told his editor. "I should be at the White House for this. The President just announced, didn't you hear what he said?"

"Danny, listen to me."

Danny sighed. "Yeah, what?"

"The press conference starts in ten minutes. You can't be at the White House in ten minutes, can you?"

Danny looked around the tiny hotel room. "No."

"You're on a story, stay on it. We have other people who cover the White House while you're away, you know." He raised his voice to drown out Danny's protests. "No, I'm sure they're not as good as you. But they're great reporters and it'll be fine."

Danny slumped into a chair. His thoughts turned to CJ, how desperately he wanted to be with her right now.

"Danny? We clear?"

"Yeah, fine." Danny hung up, knowing his editor was right. He had already missed the biggest part of the MS story, he needed to keep focused on his story.

*** (mid Manchester, part 1)

"Danny, do whatever you want." His editor sighed and tuned Danny out to shuffle papers.

"So, Haiti is too unstable to be an option right now?" Danny said. "I don't want the campaign though."

"Do whatever you want! I'm hanging up now."

Danny sighed at the click. He hung up, still talking. "The campaign is off-limits to me at this point. A campaign trail is even closer than the White House. I would see her all the time. I wouldn't be able to get away from her. And I'm not covering Ritchie." He made a face at the thought, then turned over some papers. "And then there's Haiti. Maybe I'll end up in the middle of a war."

He sighed and began to scribble ideas, trying to figure out where to take off for next.

Somewhere without CJ. Without television. Without newspapers, he thought ruefully. How else could he get away from her?

*** (post Ways and Means)

CJ smiled as she found another postcard in her mail, this one from Minnesota. Every few days he sent one. Usually, they were from wherever he was but sometimes he found odd pictures or sayings on a postcard and sent one. She suspected he used those when he didn't want her to know where he was.

She flipped the card over.

Great job with the clotheshorse thing.
So, what do you call cheese that isn't yours?

CJ shook her head before reading the answer, printed in tiny letters upside down at the bottom of the postcard. It always made her smile, the lengths he went to be sure she thought about the question before reading the answer.

She pushed the postcard aside, her day just a little bit brighter with the reminder that Danny still thought about her.

*** (post War Crimes)

"Hey Josh."

"Yeah, hey CJ."

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall?"

"What are you talking about?"

"It's a joke, Josh."

"CJ's telling jokes?"

CJ grinned. "Toby! What did the fish say when it hit the wall?"

Toby stared at her, then decided to humor her. He sighed, "I don't know, what?"

"Dam."

Toby sighed again. "Feel better?"

"Dam. Do you get it?"

"I got it." Josh chimed in.

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours?"

The two men stood silently.

"Nacho cheese." CJ giggled. "Get it? Not your cheese."

"I'm going to go, you know, do some work now." Toby turned away.

"You're laughing on the inside." CJ called after him. "I can tell."

Josh shook his head and wandered away.

"Come on, we all need to smile," she called. She waited for a moment, then turned back to her office.

*** (post Gone Quiet)

Another postcard. CJ smiled, then became confused when she saw a website address printed on the back. She put it aside to look at later, but couldn't stop herself from picking it back up and heading to her computer.

She typed in the address and waited for a moment. She stared in disbelief at the screen as the lyrics for "I'm too Sexy" appeared.

CJ grabbed the postcard. Upside down, in small letters, was the answer.

"Carol," she muttered, shaking her head. She picked up the phone and dialed. "Carol. Have you been talking to Danny?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?" Carol's voice came over the line. "He calls sometimes when you aren't there."

"And he..." CJ swallowed. "Does he ask about me?"

"Yeah," Carol told her. "Usually."

CJ thought about it for a moment. "Okay. Yeah, that's okay."

"Was that it?" Carol asked, eager to get back to her personal life.

"Yeah, thanks Carol." CJ hung up.

*** (mid H. Con - 172)

"Carol!"

"You told me I could go." Carol appeared at CJ's door, already wearing her coat.

"I did?"

Carol sighed. "You said you were leaving too."

"You're right, I forgot. Meeting Jarrod?"

"Yes. You should go home too."

CJ shrugged and began searching through papers.

"I think I should set you up on a date."

CJ's hands stilled as Carol continued.

"There's a new agent, Jarrod says he's nice. And you know he's smart if he's an agent. I could find out more about him."

"No." CJ smiled faintly. "Thanks anyway."

"You need to go out on a date, CJ. When was the last time you went on a date?"

CJ stared at her. "Don't go there, that's off limits. Sorry."

"Fine," Carol sighed. "You need anything else?"

"A séance."

Carol raised an eyebrow.

"Do you know anything about a séance? Did you, for example, hold one on your birthday and try to contact Margaret’s grandmother?"

Carol stared at her, struggling not to laugh.

CJ nodded. "Okay. Thank, you can go."

Carol turned slowly around and left.

CJ watched her go. "So, no." She jotted some notes down. "No séance, no special underwear. We're really boring around here."

"Was that directed at me?"

CJ looked up with a smile. "No, Mrs. Bartlet. You're anything but boring."

Abbey nodded, amused. "Nice save, CJ."

"Thank you, ma'am. Did you need something?"

"I have a new agent. He's handsome, sweet, funny, smart-"

"Thank you," CJ cut her off. "But I'm not interested."

"Really?" Abbey's face grew confused. "Why not? You're not married to this place, you know. Even Leo gets out every once in awhile."

CJ glanced down before meeting Abbey's eyes. "Again, thank you. But for now, I'm not interested. I'll let you know when I am."

Abbey nodded. "Okay, CJ. Just don't wait too long."

CJ nodded and Abbey left. Jed had told her CJ would have this reaction, and she wondered why.

CJ sat down, remembering dates she had been on before the first campaign. She liked dating, she remembered, although she didn't like some of the junk that came with it. Still, she let her mind wander for a moment until she suddenly snapped back.

What am I doing? She berated herself. She was still in love with Danny, she didn't want any other guy.

*** (post Night Five)

CJ could barely keep her eyes open. The emotions of the day were bubbling just below the surface. She had identified with Billy's wife, knowing how easily it could be her in that situation.

She tried to convince herself that Danny would be more careful about reading State background notes for any foreign country. But the worries still plagued her.

She sorted through her mail, her heart lightening when she found a postcard.

"Nebraska," she read out loud. "In the United States, he's in the US."

Rain may fall and wind may blow,
And many miles be still to go,
But under a tall tree I will lie,
And let the clouds go sailing by.

CJ smiled as she imagined him sitting under a tree. She imagined the two of them, wrapped in each others arms, watching the world go by. She kept the wistful smile on her face as she got ready for bed.

*** (post Hartsfield's Landing)

CJ drove home, throwing out ideas as fast as she could come up with them. Her mind was working as fast as it could at the problem at hand, and still she had nothing.

"Crazy glue... no, he used that one already. I could shortchange his sheets, but that requires breaking and entering." She glanced in her rearview mirror as she continued to debate with herself. "So that one is a maybe. A bucket of water over the door? No, the President might get hit instead. And the Secret Service would probably not like that."

She sighed as she parked her car. "I may have to give it up. Well, Leo told us to. I can use that as an excuse. Because if it ever got out that I've run out of ideas..."

She grabbed the mail from her box and hurried up the stairs. She closed and locked the door quickly before dropping everything but one card.

Show me your face,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your face is lovely.
How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful.

She read it again in shock. She wondered why he had written this. Recently, his cards had been more lighthearted.

This, though, was different. She wondered if he wanted her to call him or something. She sighed and put it aside, deciding she would wait until his next card to decide what to do.

She didn't realize it would be the last postcard she would get from him for months.

***

Danny picked out a postcard to send, a cute one with a cow. A New Hampshire cow, apparently, although he couldn't tell the difference and he was sure CJ couldn't either.

He wanted to send it as soon as he finished posting his story about the first voting in the country. He imagined CJ and the rest of the staff watching the news from Hartsfield's Landing.

He addressed her postcard and dropped it in a mailbox, idly wondering how long it took for them to get to her.

*** (mid Enemies Foreign and Domestic)

CJ opened her email program for Ron, wondering if the crazy guy would send any more emails.

He had, and she accepted it reluctantly. She thought that Ron was more worried about it than she was. But, she figured, that's what he gets paid for.

"Have you had a bad break-up with a boyfriend lately?"

CJ's mind flitted over Danny and decided there was no reason to mention him. Technically, he wasn't her boyfriend. And he wasn't her stalker, she knew.

"Come on, Ron, I haven't had a boyfriend in..." She trailed off as she met his eyes. The thought hit her that he might know about Danny and her marriage. It took her a moment to brush the feeling off and continue.

"I get a lot of hate mail."

***

"Sir?"

"Yes, CJ?"

"I was just wondering-" She stopped as an aide came into the room with a paper for the President to sign.

Jed signed, then waited until the door closed behind the aide before he turned to CJ. "Spit it out."

"I just... I'm not sure about this protection. I appreciate that it's for my own good, but it's a bit restrictive and-"

"I don't care."

"Sir?" Her eyes grew wide.

"CJ, we can't have some nut getting close to you. I won't have it, you're too important to all of us."

"Sir, I-"

"Let me finish, Claudia. If there is anything I can do to protect you, I will do it. You better get used to it."

She stared at him, speechless for a moment. "Well... I... thank you sir."

He chuckled. "Is that all?"

"Yes, sir." She moved towards the door, then turned. "No, actually. Sir, how much... I mean... does Ron know about..."

"CJ?"

"How much does Ron know about me?"

Jed met her eyes. "Everything that I know, he knows."

Her heart dropped. "Oh."

"You have to trust me, CJ. He needs to know everything I know."

"I figured he... I thought he might know about..." She took a deep breath. "Some things you said awhile ago, I thought maybe..."

"Don't worry, CJ. It's the Secret Service, they know a lot more than you think and they're used to keeping their mouths shut. You wouldn't believe some of the things they know about Josh. And Sam, Toby." He glanced at her. "Well, okay I'm willing to bet you know all about Toby's stories."

She smiled. "And this information?"

"Doesn't go any further than this room. I only know this information as the President, that's it."

"I guess that'll have to do."

"Is that it, Claudia Jean?"

She nodded sadly. "Yes, I suppose it is. Thank you, sir." She left the room, still a bit dazed but glad she had all the information.

*** (post Enemies Foreign and Domestic)

"Are you going to follow me around everywhere?" CJ railed.

"That's my job."

She stormed into the bathroom of her hotel room, the only place it seemed she could be alone. She sighed and splashed water on her face, trying to calm herself down. The three days at the White House with agents around hadn't seemed so bad. She supposed it was because there were so many people at the White House all the time that a few extras didn't matter.

Her home was a little different. But she felt safe at home and just having an extra person there didn't bother her. And Pam is a nice woman, CJ mused, they got along well.

But here, in a foreign country. In a strange hotel room. It was driving her crazy, having people constantly around. Especially Simon- Agent Donovan.

He's cute, she admitted to herself. Her flirting with him had something to do with that, but it was also because she hadn't gotten a postcard from Danny in awhile. She wondered if he had found someone else. He was still filing stories, so she knew he was okay.

She began to pace the small bathroom, telling herself that it was his right to find someone else. They had made a deal, he was free the second he wanted to be.

"Ms. Cregg?" A knock sounded on the door.

"Go away!"

"Mr. Ziegler is here."

CJ grimaced, wishing she could avoid Simon on her way out the door. His smile, it just...

She opened the door, putting a stop to her thoughts.

*** (mid Posse Comitatus)

CJ found herself smiling more than she had in quite awhile. She loved her job and her friends and got joy out of them.

But there was something about catching a guy looking at you. Something about feeling attractive every day. There was something about teasing each other and trying to make him laugh. Even though, she thought to herself, it seemed to be in his job description not to smile.

She tried to shake it off with thoughts of Danny. But there had been no contact in weeks, not even a postcard.

At first, she had been worried. She had sent Carol to search for his articles. And every day, or every other day, there was an article posted by Danny.

So, she figured he had moved on. She decided to do the same.

*** (post Posse Comitatus)

No one bothered her on the ride back to Washington. She stared out the window without seeing anything. She had cried so much on the streets of NYC that her eyes were now dry.

Ron approached her when they got back to the White House and she pulled herself together enough to listen to him.

She signed forms, knowing there would be more forms tomorrow for her to look at.

"Here are the keys for your car. It's in your space." He put them gently in her hand. "An agent can drive you home tonight though."

CJ began to shake her head, then nodded instead. In her state, she realized, she might hit someone and not even notice.

"And you can walk in tomorrow or I can send a car."

CJ stared at him for a moment before realizing this question needed a spoken answer. "Thanks, Ron," she whispered. "I'll just walk."

He nodded. "And here's your mail."

She took the bag he handed her. "My mail?"

"We intercepted any suspicious mail, just like we did with your email. I thought you knew that, it was in the forms you signed. Tomorrow, there will be people to talk to about all this, okay?"

She nodded.

"Go home," he told her. "You look like I feel."

CJ managed a small smile and followed an agent to a waiting car.

When she got home, she simply stood inside her door to appreciate the silence. She opened the bag still clutched in her hand. Inside were assorted letters, and a stack of postcards.

She slid to the floor, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed uncontrollably. She cried herself to sleep, sitting on the floor inside the door of her apartment.

*** (post Arctic Radar)

CJ sighed as she quietly replaced the phone. She leaned against her kitchen doorway, her arms wrapped around herself. It was getting harder every time she talked to her father. If Molly wasn’t there… CJ couldn’t finish the thought because she didn’t know what she would do if Molly wasn’t there. Thank goodness for small favors, she thought to herself bitterly.

She pushed herself away from the doorway towards the living room. Sitting heavily down on the couch, she pulled a pile of notes onto her lap.

After five full minutes of staring at them, she admitted her mind was elsewhere and pushed them aside.

Her father was dying. Slowly, bit by bit, he was being taken from her. Part of her died every time she talked to him.

She stood up and began to pace. She wanted to talk to someone, wanted someone to tell her it would be okay.

She considered Toby. He was the only one who knew, she realized. He was the only one she had told. Even Danny...

It made sense, she told herself. Toby had actually met her father, Danny never had.

"And he might never meet Danny." CJ sighed to herself as she sat back down.

Resolutely, she pushed the thoughts out of her mind. She needed to work.

*** (pre Holy Night)

Danny dropped onto the bed in his small hotel room. He had followed the story as far as he could in Bermuda, and wondered where to go from here.

He pushed it out of his mind and turned on the TV. He checked his watch and realized he had missed the last briefing of the day. So instead, he turned on the VCR and rewound the tape. He had quickly discovered he couldn't bear to not see CJ during the day. While he waited for the tape to rewind, he grabbed a soda from the cooler perched on the sink in his room.

It was lukewarm, he noticed, making a mental note to go get more ice.

Later, he decided as he settled back on the bed and hit play on the remote.

Instead of the days press briefings, he was confronted with a mangled mess. Static, snow, and random lines competed on the screen. He hit the fast forward button, but the entire tape was a mess.

He clicked the VCR off and tuned to CNN. It was a blank screen and Danny's jaw dropped as he stared at the screen.

Then he reached for his laptop.

Josh-
I'm on my way back. Any ideas for making an unforgettable entrance?
-Danny

He hit send, then called his assistant as he threw clothes into his bag.

*** (mid Holy Night)

She stared a the pin, a small smile emerging on her face.

"They gave me a goldfish pin 'cause I like goldfish."

She glanced at me, but I could tell she didn't have any idea it was me under this costume. I inched closer and closer as she talked, staring at her lips as they formed words.

"Actually, what I like are the crackers, but there was a guy-"

As much as I wanted to know what she'd tell a stranger about me, I wanted something else more.

Gently grabbing her, I brought her lips close enough to kiss. When we parted, I could almost hear her brain clicking.

"Danny?"

I knew I wasn't imagining the smile on her face.

"What's going on?"

I pulled the fake beard off and she threw her arms around me.

I guess I was right, I decided as I held her for that brief moment. It was the perfect time to come back.

Of course, then in her office I had to bring up Shareef and Bermuda. I watched as her body language shut me out. I can’t stop doing my job just because I want her lips on mine.

I just... maybe I should have waited to mention Shareef.

*** (post Holy Night)

CJ looked up from her work. She strained to hear the sound of the Whiffenpoofs, who were still singing. They were now in the lobby and every time the right combination of doors opened, she could hear them.

Her thoughts wandered to Danny. They often did, but this time was different. This time he was only a few feet away.

"Sparks," Josh had asked her about. She smiled as she thought of their fleeting moments from earlier. Once she had gotten over the surprise of having someone kissing her, then realizing who it was, the moment had been over.

She wanted to kiss him again, slower this time. She wanted to know, from the beginning, who was kissing her.

She wondered what he would do if she invited him to come home with her.

Glancing at the clock, she realized she had spent way took much time thinking about him. She needed to decide if she was going to do something.

***

"Danny?"

He paused in his typing to acknowledge her and she sat.

"Could I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Could you stop typing?"

He glanced up with a sly smile. "I need to do something with my hands."

"I have a better idea."

He stopped typing. "CJ?"

"I have an idea for you, something better to do with your hands than typing."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "You're having fun messing with me, aren't you? This is for the Shareef thing?"

She glanced around before leaning to trace his face with her fingers. "I want," she whispered. "I want to be happy for Christmas. I want to forget who we are right now. I want to pretend the last few years didn't happen."

Their eyes met and he leaned closer. "CJ, I don't know-"

"I want you." she told him. "I want you to come home with me. Tonight, right now."

"Okay."

She smiled. "Really? You understand that after Christmas-"

"Things go back to the way they were before, right?" Danny sighed. "We go back to being separated, bordering on divorce if either of us ever gets the guts to file the paperwork."

She glanced away and whispered, "Yes."

"No."

"But you said okay."

"That was when I thought you wanted me, not just sex."

"What's wrong with just sex?" CJ traced a finger down his neck before fiddling with his tie.

"CJ-"

She kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear. "Come on Danny. It's Christmas, this can be our present to ourselves. You remember how good we are together."

"I can't-" Danny struggled to convince his body that this was a bad idea.

"Have you found someone else?" CJ began to kiss his neck lightly.

He closed his eyes, trying to regain control over his emotions. Finally, he pushed her away and looked into her eyes. "CJ, stop. We can't do this."

She sat back in her chair with a resigned sigh. "I just threw myself at you. And you said no."

He grabbed her hand before she could walk away. "Look at me, CJ." When she didn't obey, he continued anyway. "I want you too. But I can't keep doing this. I can't keep walking away from you." His fingers played against her hand as he stared at the side of her face. "I keep getting hurt more, each time I walk away."

She gently took her hand from his. "Okay, fine."

"CJ."

She got up and moved away from him. "Merry Christmas, Danny."

She turned, almost at the door. "Josh asked me before if there were sparks when I saw you."

"And?"

She smiled sadly. "What do you think?"

He stared at her for a moment before responding sadly, "Merry Christmas, CJ."

***

Danny opened his apartment door with a growl. "What do you want?"

She looked at her watch. "Have you noticed the time, Danny? You need to be at the White House soon."

He sighed. "Maisy, go away."

"Nope." Maisy said with a smile. "Go take a shower, you need to get out of here. You can't be late on your first day back."

"I was there before Christmas." Danny reminded her.

She waved it away. "Doesn't count, you were there as Santa. Go."

Danny grumbled but obeyed as he began to realize she was right. Only when she had come all the way into his apartment did he notice the paper bag in her hand.

She saw him staring at it and smiled. Opening it, she handed him a cup of coffee. "Drink this, maybe you'll be nicer then. And if you're good, you can have the muffin I bought too."

Danny took a long gulp of coffee and began to feel more alive. He gave her a small smile. "Okay, you're not fired."

"You never said I was fired."

"Yeah, but I thought it."

She nodded. "Okay. Go take a shower."

He shrugged and wandered out of the room, still clutching his coffee.

She waited until she heard the water start, then made her way to his bedroom. She grimaced when she saw all the clothes scattered around, knowing it wasn't like him. She debated cleaning up, then decided it wasn't her job.

"Not that this is my job either," she muttered as she began rifling through his closets. She pulled a suit out, then a tie and a shirt.

The water stopped and she kept her back to the bathroom door as she laid out his clothes.

"Maisy, what are you doing?"

"I've seen the outfits you wear. Wear this instead. And you should get a haircut, but you don't have time today."

"Maisy," he warned.

She turned slowly with an innocent expression firmly in place. "Yes?"

"What's going on?"

"You're going to see her today."

"See who?"

"You know who." She grinned when Danny looked away. "That woman that you stare at every time she's on TV. You've got a crush."

"I do not-" he began to protest weakly.

She cut him off. "You have a crush on the Press Secretary. I think it's cute. We need to get you cleaned up, then maybe you stand a chance with her."

"Maisy," Danny began, then stopped. He had no idea what to say to counter her.

"Get dressed. I'll be outside."

He sighed as she left the room, then shrugged and got dressed in the clothes she had picked out for him.

*** (post The Long Goodbye)

She stared out the window of the plane. She tried to shut her brain down, but it kept going over the last day.

Her father. She had been worried about him before, but even her fears hadn't been as bad as the reality. She was glad Molly was back, but wondered for how long and what to do when he needed even more help.

She had extracted a promise from Molly to call if she was going to leave her father alone again. She was willing to leave her job for her father, but she knew he didn't want that. He had made it very clear where he wanted her- on TV. He was proud of her, she thought with a smile.

Marco. She had just casually said goodbye to him at the airport. Nothing had changed between them, despite the events from the hotel room. She knew it hadn't been about love, knew that going in. It was a little about nostalgia, about wanting things to be like they were in high school. Not quite so complicated.

It hadn't even really been about sex, she admitted. It was about comfort, about having a body next to hers when she needed it. It was about life, about touching and living and forgetting, for just a little while, about the dying.

It was what she had needed over Christmas, it had just gotten too strong to shut down when her father didn't recognize her picture.

Marco was safe, she mused. Lived in France, had known her forever. There weren't many people she trusted. For just a few hours, Marco had become one of them.

*** (mid Inauguration: Part 1)

CJ walked out of the room with a small smile on her face, which was quickly knocked off by more intelligence from Khundu.

Danny, however, stood frozen in place. He had turned her down, he reminded himself, just a few weeks ago. How had he become putty in her hands so quickly?

"Do you like this perfume?" "Do you like this blouse?" Add in a few comments about him and he was ready to get back with CJ.

Stupid, he berated himself half-heartedly. But he was also intrigued, he couldn't wait for their next run-in.

*** (mid Inauguration: Over There)

"The heroes have returned." Carol told CJ.

"What?" CJ glanced over. "Oh, them."

Carol smiled. "They brought Donna with them. I should go see how she is."

They watched as Josh led her to the dance floor.

"I guess you'll have to wait." CJ told Carol with a smile.

"Oh, look. There's Danny."

The smile drooped a little. "Carol-"

"He's coming over, you should go dance with him."

CJ glared at her. "I can't-"

Carol dropped her voice to a whisper. "Tonight, he's on our side. He helped out with Donna, Josh will go to the mat for you. Take the chance before it expires."

CJ stared at her, speechless for a moment.

"CJ, I want to dance with you."

CJ glanced at Danny, then back at Carol, who gave her a small smile.

"Yeah, okay." CJ managed, wondering how she got herself into these situations.

Danny led her to the dance floor and pulled her as close as he dared. She made no protests as they began to move to the music.

"Remember the first inauguration?"

She smiled slightly. "Yeah."

"Remember after?"

Her eyes met and held his as she whispered, "Yeah."

"I want to come home with you tonight." Danny whispered as he pulled her closer.

She took a deep breath, her eyes never leaving his. "We can't-"

"Just for tonight." His hands slowly moved up and down her sides. "I still want you. I want to fall asleep next to you tonight. I want to wake up in the morning and see you next to me."

"I... a few weeks ago." She hesitated before lowering her voice even more. "When I went home for my high school reunion-"

"Something happened with a guy."

"I... yeah. I slept with an old friend. Well, we didn't actually sleep-"

"You're rambling." He cut her off. "And I thought something like that had happened. I'm sure you had your reasons. I still want you, you can't scare me off that easily."

She glanced away from the love and desire she saw in his eyes. Her gaze caught Leo's. She couldn't read the expression on his face as she watched them dance. She could read the wave he gave her, however.

"I have to go."

"CJ?"

"It's not... what you said. Leo's over there, I need to talk to him."

"And later?"

She glanced back at Leo before making her decision. "Come by later."

She slipped away before he could respond. He watched her make her way over to Leo, who pulled her into a corner to talk. A smile on his face, he went to find Carol, to see if she wanted to dance.

*** (post Inauguration: Over There)

CJ followed the President as the group made their way through the crowded ballroom. Another long night was ahead of her, but she smiled. Finally it was for a good reason. We're going to do great things in Khundu, she told herself.

Suddenly, she caught sight of Danny at one of the bars.

"Charlie?" she turned to the man walking next to her. "I'll just be a minute, don't let them leave without me."

Charlie nodded and she began to walk away.

"CJ?"

She waved behind her. "I'll be right there, Toby."

He sighed, then scowled when he saw where she was headed. He wished they would just do something. He didn't care if they broke off their little flirtation, or did something about their attraction. He just wished they'd make a decision already.

"Danny."

He smiled when he saw her. "CJ."

"Come in here." She led him to a small room off the main ballroom, relieved to find it empty. "I have to get back to work. So, about tonight... well, we're going to have to postpone."

"CJ, look at me."

She did, reluctantly.

He sighed. "This isn't going to happen, is it?"

"I don't know."

"It was selfish anyway. I shouldn't have asked you to-"

He broke off as her hand snaked up his chest and she moved closer.

"Asked you to-"

He swallowed as she brought her lips to his. She kissed him gently, but he held her in place and deepened the kiss.

"I have to go," she told him softly when they broke apart.

He nodded and she turned to leave. She shot a small smile over her shoulder before hurrying to join the motorcade.

*** (post Angel Maintenance)

"I heard you got stuck on the plane."

"Danny?" CJ stopped walked for a moment to look at the caller ID on her cell phone again. It still said 'Unknown'.

"You were stuck on Air Force One, something about a light that didn't... well, light."

She smiled as she resumed her walk to her apartment. "Yeah."

"Bet that was fun. Katie said it was a thrilling experience."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but she said it with that tone she has. You know the one where you're pretty sure she's being sarcastic."

"Ah. So is this why you called, to talk about Katie?" She glanced up the road before hurrying across the street.

"I heard you kissed Ed."

CJ’s brow furrowed. "I did? Oh, wait. No, that was Larry."

"Are you sure?"

She hesitated. "No, it could have been Ed."

"I wish I had been there. Long flight, we could have..."

"Danny." Her voice took on a warning tone.

"Played cards," he finished. "What did you think I was going to say?"

She shook her head, refusing to answer.

"Hey, can I come over?"

"No."

"Why not?" He grinned as he waited for her to answer, sure it would be amusing.

"Because we're not... we're friends and that's it... I mean, not exactly..." she took a deep breath. "We can't just... you can't come over and..."

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Stop talking. I'll talk to you later."

Any further ramblings on her part went unheard and she soon realized she was speaking to a dial tone.

*** (post Evidence of Things Not Seen)

"I stood an egg on end." CJ declared with a grin, but continued when she sensed she wasn't getting through. "A raw egg. Because it's the equinox, you can stand an egg on end. People say it's fake, but I just did it."

"CJ?"

She turned to face her doorway. "Yeah?"

"You're talking to your fish."

CJ glanced at Gail, then back at Toby. "Yeah?"

He regarded her for a moment, then nodded. "See you tomorrow."

She smiled as she waved to him. She turned back to her desk. "Isn't that great? My faith has been... justified."

"CJ?"

"What?" She turned abruptly, then stopped. "Oh."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm..." She squared her shoulders and looked Danny in the eye. "I'm talking to my fish."

"Oh."

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, no problem."

She smiled. "Good."

He smiled back, glad she was in a good, even giddy mood. "Everyone's gone, what are you still doing here?"

"Everyone?"

"I just glanced down the hall, it looks like everyone-"

She walked closer and he stopped talking.

"CJ?"

Her hands tangled in his hair and she pulled him closer. Their lips met and she moved her body closer to come into total contact with his body. He wrapped his arms around her and held her against him.

When their lips lost contact, he held her close. He watched her as her eyes opened and met his, a dreamy smile on her face.

"I'm going home now," CJ told him.

"Okay."

"You coming?"

He kissed her again. "I'll meet you there."

CJ smiled. "Okay." She gave him one last kiss before pushing him out the door. "Go."

He wandered off to get his things together while she hurried to get home.

She beat him home by a few minutes, mainly because her car was closer. As soon as he knocked, she eased the door open and grabbed his tie to pull him in the door. It shut behind him and Danny pushed her against it. He pinned her there as his mouth covered hers. She wrapped her limbs around him, holding him as close as she could. He trailed his fingers down her side and she moaned softly, intoxicated at the reality she had only dreamed of for far too long. He deepened their kiss and they both pulled at buttons, zippers, anything that was hindering their skin from touching.

The phone rang and she pushed him away a fraction of an inch. "Let me see who it is," she breathed as she took his hand and led him into the living room.

He trailed her to the phone, dropping light kisses on the back of her neck as she checked the caller ID.

"Josh," she told him. She debated for just a moment before turning away from the phone into Danny's embrace.

***

"So, now what are we?" Danny trailed his fingers up and down CJ's stomach.

"Happy?"

He grinned. "Besides that."

"I guess... we're dating, sort off." She sighed. "I don't know."

"Okay." He kissed her neck. "I can live with being undefined for now, I guess. I missed you."

She smiled. "I missed you too." She yawned. "I think I need some sleep. Will you... are you staying?"

He smiled. "If you want."

"Yes," she answered quickly.

"Goodnight, CJ."

She fell asleep with a smile on her face and Danny's arms wrapped around her.

*** (mid Life on Mars)

She felt sick as she looked at the pages in front of her. John Hoynes, the name swam before her eyes. Even she wasn't stupid enough to leave phone trails, she mentally screamed at the Vice President.

As Stu Winkle blathered in the background, she looked through page after page of phone calls. She looked up at Joe Quincy, a shocked expression on her face.

She had known John Hoynes was a womanizer, of course. She just hadn't known he was so stupid.

CJ took a deep breath, wondering how this would look for the President, if there was any way she could keep him out of it. Despairingly, she realized she couldn't.

She could, however, stop the incessant chatter that was suddenly driving her crazy.

*** (post Life on Mars)

"He did what?"

CJ fought a smile and kissed Danny to quiet him. "Keep your voice down. It's not like it's unheard of."

Danny pulled away from her to pace the living room. "It takes a special kind of stupid to not hold onto the VP position because you were sleeping with some woman."

"Danny." She sighed and stretched out on the couch, giving in. "Oh go ahead, rant."

He turned to stare at her. "What?"

"I know how much you dislike him. Feel free to use this opportunity to make fun of him."

A confused expression settled on his face. "And you're just going to sit there and not defend him?"

She nodded.

Danny nodded. "I look at him," he mused. "And I can't get it out of my head that he had his hands on you. And he was stupid enough to stop."

She looked away with a slight blush.

"He threw away the VP position and any chance at the Presidency on sex? Don't get me wrong." He grinned at her. "I like sex. But to just... wow."

"You done yet?"

"This story isn't coming out?"

CJ sighed. "Eventually, it will come out. Right now, he's citing family obligations as his reason for resigning."

"My bet is it'll be out in the next couple days. This is Washington."

"Well, if you can get it from another source, one on the record, you'll get to write it."

He shook his head. "I leave in the morning. I have a different story to chase."

She sighed again. "Shareef."

Danny shrugged. "I have to, CJ."

"When are you leaving?"

"My flight's at eight. I'll be back in a few... weeks. Maybe."

She nodded, resigned. "Let's go to bed."

He smiled. "Bed or sleep?"

Laughing, she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. "You decide."

*** (post 7A WF 83429)

"CJ."

"Yeah?"

Carol sighed. "You need to go home. Leo said-"

"I know-" CJ broke off as she realized she was close to yelling. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she spoke again, it was so soft Carol could barely hear her. "I know what Leo said. I just have a few things I need to do first." She opened her eyes to look at Carol. "But you go, you should go."

"Do you promise to leave here in the next half hour?"

"Yes."

"Give me your word, CJ. Promise me."

CJ sighed and hesitated.

"You need sleep. On a bed, don't sleep on your couch. And a shower. CJ, go home please."

CJ nodded and whispered, "Okay."

Carol walked closer to give her boss a quick hug before leaving. As the door closed behind Carol, CJ brushed away yet another tear, amazed she still had any left to shed.

Five minutes later, her door opened quietly and she looked up.

"You shouldn't be back here," she whispered. "You're not exactly Walken's favorite person. And you with me... not a good idea right now."

Danny smiled sadly. "You need to go home, CJ. I came here to tell you to go home."

CJ dropped her head to her desk and shut her eyes for a moment. When she picked up her head again, she stood at the same time. "I'm not going to be any good to Leo or President Bartlet if I don't get some sleep."

He held out her coat to help her put it on.

"You coming too?"

"I'll meet you there." He assured her.

She nodded, then searched for her car keys. "Oh, I think I walked to work today. Yesterday." She looked confused for a moment. "Was it just yesterday since I saw my apartment? It seems like years since... things were normal."

Danny wiped the tear from her cheek, the one she hadn't even felt because there had been too many of them. "I'll meet you at home."

She nodded and grabbed her briefcase. She walked outside in a daze but stopped suddenly at the gate.

A sea of flickering lights. A sea of people. The sight swam in front of her as her brain tried to comprehend the masses of flowers, notes, candles, people.

She felt a hand take hers and turned to see Donna's tear-stained face. She nodded to CJ, who brushed back a tear.

One last squeeze of her hand and Donna left to steer Josh through the crowd. Josh hadn't even noticed CJ standing next to them, and it didn't occur to CJ to care.

Another hand came to rest on her shoulder. This time when she turned, it was Danny.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I forgot about this, for just a moment. You shouldn't have to face this alone."

CJ nodded slightly. Her hand found and gripped his as her eyes took in the scene in front of her.

After a few minutes, she felt him tugging her away from it all. She followed without a word, her body and brain relieved to have someone else making decisions for her.

*** (post Dogs of War)

"I just heard." Danny rushed into CJ's office, not even waving to Carol. He shut the door behind him, turning in time to catch CJ as she flung herself at him. "She's okay? She's really okay?"

CJ laughed for the first time in days. "Zoey. They found Zoey. She's alive."

She buried her head in his neck, tears of relief slipping down her cheeks and soaking his collar.

He stroked her hair, holding her close. "Thank God. It's over. It's over."

She lifted her head to brush away her tears. "I'm sorry. Your shirt-"

"I don't care. Nothing else matters right now."

She smiled at him. "I can't wait to see her. To make sure... to make sure."

"Yeah." Danny returned the smile. "I know. You need to go to work now, I guess."

She laughed. "I know. Look at the time, it's the middle of the night. But I couldn't sleep right now."

He nodded. "I wouldn't think so. But you need a new suit for tomorrow."

"True!" She pointed a finger at him. "You are a smart guy."

He shook his head at her. "Go do some work, do your press conference. Then try to get some sleep. I'll see you later."

She kissed his cheek quickly, then whispered. "They found her."

He smiled and backed out of her office, shutting the door as he left.

"Carol!"

"They found her!" Carol cried in delight.

"I know!" He gave her a hug, then hurried down the hall, a huge smile fixed in place.

***

"CJ?" Danny sat up in bed and looked around. Then he smelled the coffee and heard the shower running. He smiled, relieved.

He padded to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee before heading back to the bedroom to get dressed.

"You're up." CJ smiled at him as she came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.

"I do that occasionally." He told her. "How're you doing?"

Her smiled faded a bit. "I'm okay. I'm going to be at work for the next few days straight, but c'est la vie."

"Guess it doesn't matter that I'm leaving again then."

She shook her head with a sigh. "You shouldn't have to-"

"CJ, I wrote the Shareef story. And posted it before you guys could announce it. I'm not exactly popular at the White House right now."

"Now hold on. The senior staff is on your side on this. We had a deal, they know that. Your filing wasn't a problem-"

"In private, CJ. In public, on the record... it's a problem. And you warning me... I know they have nothing concrete on that, but everyone knows. I'll be away for a little while, just until this all blows over."

CJ nodded. "Okay."

He grabbed his bag and gave her a quick kiss.

"I love you."

He turned and their eyes met. He was silent for a moment, staring at her. "It isn't enough, is it?"

He watched her intently as the words caught in her throat. She lowered her head, breaking their connection to look at the floor.

"I didn't think so." He smiled sadly before walking out.

*** (post Jefferson Lives)

"Danny Concannon."

The agent checked the list in front of him, then waved Danny in.

He drove carefully up the driveway to take in the peace of the farm. He was amazed to realize he was nervous.

"It's just Mrs. Bartlet." He muttered to himself. "You've talked to her many times." Despite the pep talk, he was still a bundle of nerves. He had no idea what Mrs. Bartlet would say. She had been at the farm, closed off from everyone, for a few weeks now.

He pulled up to the main house and saw her sitting on the front porch. He took a deep breath and got out.

"Danny." She smiled as he came up the steps. "Welcome to New Hampshire."

"Thank you, Mrs. Bartlet. What a wonderful place."

She looked around. "It is, isn't it? Did you want some tea? I just made a pot."

"Thank you, ma'am."

She turned to the house and he followed her through the door. "You could ask for coffee instead, Danny. I won't be offended. Although I would give you a lecture about the medical benefits of tea."

He grinned at her back. "Tea is fine, thank you."

She pointed to the chair opposite her and he sat. "Still too polite for Washington, Daniel."

"No really, tea is fine. I drink tea with..." He glanced away quickly. "A friend sometimes at night."

"Really?" Abbey adopted an unconcerned tone as she poured their tea.

"She says it's better for me at night."

"Who is she?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am?"

Abbey went in for the kill, having lulled him into a false sense of security. "This woman who's gotten you to drink tea. It must be serious."

Danny took a sip, letting the silence drag on. He realized Abbey would make a good interviewer with her style. Finally, he spoke. "I came up here to talk about another book."

Abbey smiled indulgently. "All right, we'll let that sit for now. What about a book?"

"There are rumors you're thinking of another book."

"And you came all the way up here to let me know about rumors?"

"Mrs. Bartlet."

"Speak frankly, Danny. It's easier that way."

"Yes, ma'am. I'd like to know if you'd consider me if you're writing another book. I think my references will check out, I once wrote a book about an amazing woman that did pretty well."

Abbey smiled wistfully, remembering the campaign. The fun, the work, the ideals, the relatively carefree attitudes.

"Also, I'd like to work outside the White House for a few years."

"Why not be an editor somewhere?"

"I was offered a position," Danny told her. "A few years ago. But I'm a writer. Specifically, I'm a reporter. But... I'd like to be out of the White House for a little while."

"Why?"

Danny shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Straight answer, Danny. I'm tired of politicians."

"There's a... certain woman I'd like to be closer to."

"And she's on the President's staff." Abbey smiled sadly as comprehension dawned. "And it's a conflict."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I wish I could help you."

"But you're not writing a book."

Abbey stared at him for a moment. "I'm thinking about it. But right now it's the least of my worries. And, at least for right now, you wouldn't be picked as the author."

Danny stared at her.

"The Shareef thing, Danny. I don't want any reminders of it around. And you wouldn't play well in the press, you know that as well as I do."

Danny sighed. "Do you want me to go? Is it too painful having me here?"

She considered for a moment. "No. No, you can stay for a bit. Say hello to Zoey before you leave."

Danny nodded and sipped his tea in silence, trying not to show how upset he was by this turn of events.

*** (post Disaster Relief)

Danny,
This is becoming more of a diary than letters to you. You're never in town long enough to read them.
Lately, you're never in town. At all.
I've been thinking about divorces lately. I mean, my mind has wandered in that direction. Maybe you want to move on. I wonder what your assistant is like. There's probably a conflict of interest there too, but it wouldn't get splashed on the cover of the Post.
My mind has been a bit flaky in recent history. I don't even know Leo anymore, he's turned into a different person. The whole place seems darker, more sinister. I just want to scream some days, hoping it will break the haze we're all in.
The President feels it too, I'm sure of it. He tried to break out of it with our trip to the tornado zone. I couldn't drag him away.
This is ridiculous. Forget it.

CJ angrily ripped the page out of her notebook. She folded it into a tiny square and stared at it.

Finally, she sighed. Reaching under her bed, she slipped it into a shoebox. Then she turned out the light to toss and turn through her first night home in weeks.

*** (post Benign Prerogative)

She thought about her crack to Charlie as he left.

"Can you ever trust a reporter?"

She didn't know. Her heart wanted to trust all of her reporters. Or at least her favorites. But she'd seen, time and again, that the story was the most important thing. Everything else took a back burner.

Even with Danny.

She shook her head, trying to rid herself of his name. She thought about the Shareef story. The memo from Mandy. The negative articles about the direction and focus of the administration. Even the Rooker thing from the beginning of their first term.

No, she decided firmly. She couldn't ever fully and completely trust a reporter. Her flip answer had been right.

Painful, but right.

*** (mid Warfare of Genghis Kahn)

Danny sighed as he got up to answer the door. "What?"

Maisy smiled and held up a VHS tape. "I have something for you to see."

"Do you know what time it is?" He ushered her in and she headed straight for the TV.

"You weren't sleeping anyway."

He sighed. "You're not allowed to travel with me anymore."

She shrugged. "Okay."

"What's on the tape?"

"Your girlfriend got a mention on a talk show yesterday."

"My... oh." Danny sighed and rubbed his eyes. "You need to stop referring to Ms. Cregg as-"

"Shhh, here it is." Maisy pushed play and Taylor Reed began talking about CJ. Danny stared at the television, trying not to laugh as he listened.

"Is he serious?" He asked when the segment ended. "He just called CJ a chicken."

Maisy smiled. "I know."

"She's not going to be happy when she sees this."

"Does she usually watch the Taylor Reed show?"

"No." Danny mused. "But she should watch this one." He picked up his cell and dialed Carol's number. "Go get me some coffee like a good assistant."

Maisy opened her mouth to reply.

He smiled. "Carol, it's Danny. What's going on?"

Maisy shook her head and slipped out the door to get them both coffee.

*** (post Full Disclosure)

"What did I do with them?" CJ muttered to herself as she slammed her closet door closed. She glanced at her watch and realized she was late. She growled, then stormed to her desk. "There they are!"

She pulled the shoes out from under her desk and quickly slid the red heels onto her feet. Then she began to search for her purse.

"CJ!" Carol called.

CJ glanced down at the phone and saw her personal line blinking. She grabbed it while she struggled to put her coat on.

"I know, Ben. I'm running a little late. I'll be there soon, I promise."

She finished getting her coat on and stood, listening to the breathing on the other end.

She glanced up. "Carol!"

Carol peeked around the corner as a smile began. "Danny on line four."

CJ's eyes grew wide. "Danny!" she gasped into the phone.

But he had already hung up.

*** (post No Exit)

CJ muttered to herself as she wandered around her apartment putting her luggage away.

"So much for camping. Not that I really wanted to... what did Donna mean? Is there something wrong with Ben?"

She sighed as she realized what was wrong with Ben. She had known from the beginning, when she gave Toby the thirty-second synopsis of their relationship. He was just wrong for her, it wouldn't work. And it took Donna to see, she thought ruefully. It took the one who was clueless about her boss being in love with her.

She sat down heavily on her couch. Her hand reached for the phone, then pulled back.

She stared at it for a moment, willing it to ring with an emergency.

"What am I doing?" She grabbed the phone and dialed. The phone rang and she almost hung up.

"Ben? It's CJ. I'm good, fine. Yeah, it was nothing. Sorry about the fishing trip." She stood and began to pace. "We need to talk, can I come over?"

On his side of the phone, Ben smiled sadly. "We're breaking up, aren't we?"

"Well, I was going to say it nicer than... yeah, again. We're over again."

"Any particular reason this time?"

CJ kept silent, thinking about the man she really wanted to be on the phone with.

"Okay." Ben broke into her thoughts. "I'll talk to you in another ten or so years."

CJ smiled. "I hope not. I have someplace else I'd like to be in ten years."

"Bye, CJ."

"Thanks Ben. Good-bye."

*** (post Memorial Day)

Danny watched the news about the ongoing investigation. He was glad he had finally gotten through to Carol and found out about Donna.

He had considered going to Germany to be with Josh. He was sure Josh needed a friend right now.

Instead, he mused as he turned from the TV and wandered towards the plane, he was on his way back to DC. He still wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be going back. But there was some unfinished business he needed to deal with. Before he could figure out the future, he needed to put the past to rest.

He smiled grimly. Ready or not, CJ. Here I come.

***

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